May 15, 2009

Drawing the Curtains on my Academic Life

On Monday I handed in my thesis which (one crappy little paper aside) draws my life as a student to an end. Not that I've really noticed given that I've been working full time for several years, but there we go. The thesis was a classic example of what being a student is. I've known that I had to do it since the autumn of 2005. I started writing it late in 2007. I handed it in three and a half years after starting it, having written practically the whole thing in the final week. At the outset, the plan was simple - I had to take part in seminars, make three presentations on my paper, and then write the thing and hand it in. Then, the following happened.

Late April 2009 : Realise that the final deadline is May 11th. Ask boss for a week off due to impending panic

3rd May : Sit down and start writing until I pass out

4th-9th May : Repeat

10th May : Get up late in order to be able to write all night and then hand the paper in on the next day before the 11am deadline. Go to the shop for some Energy Drink and go to the library

11th May :

4.30am : Realise the sun is coming up and speed up.
8.00am : I try to register to drop off the paper. I am refused by the system.
8.30am : M leaves for work, having spent the last half hour wandering around nervously due to previous event.
9.30am : I have finished and leave to the library to print the paper.
10.15am : Arrive at the library and print my paper off while looking at what else I have to do
10.17am : Realise my registration is being refused because I haven't sent a part of my thesis for a language check. This takes one month. Crap.
10.18am : I remember that I have to write a 400 word abstract and rattle one out. It's pretty terrible but at this stage, quality counts for nothing
10:25am : I'm still in a queue for the printer
10:30am : My work starts printing !
10:31am : My work stops printing, the printer is out of paper. My efforts to restock it are in vain
10:35am : I find the right place to put the paper and we're off again.
10:37am : The printer stops working. NOT NOW !!!!
10:40am : The printer, encouraged by some gentle prodding, whirs back into life. Heart begins beating again
10:45am : I'm all printed and run to the faculty
10:47am : Arrival at the faculty. I hand in my paper while explaining that I mysteriously haven't been able to register for a reason I cannot understand ! I'm taken to another office where I smile profusely and explain that I didn't know the rules and that in any case, English is one of my mother tongues and I doubt very much that I would fail a language test and please please please can we ignore this rule for once.
10:48am : The rule is ignored. My status is fixed and I can now go and register
10:49am : The computer I try to switch on doesn't work
10:51am : I can't find the link for the registration screen
10:52am : I'm done !!!! I go outside and smoke profusely, and then quit smoking (again).
10:53am : I head off to work slightly delirious, picking up a bottle of Coke on the way.

Once again, the student has caused unnecessary suffering to himself and all around him. He now faces a painful month or 2 waiting to see if his paper has been judged abysmal by all concerned and kinda hoping that it hasn't. His fate is in the hands of the (lovely) professors of Helsinki University. He'll get very drunk if(/when) he passes.

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant account of a series of events that don't surprise me one bit.

    I'd have done exactly the same and pretty much did for my dissertation, including printer panics.

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